Become Fluent in Silence

By Jim “Wegs” Wegerbauer

What speaks most loudly to people? Silence. The art of listening to them. Really listening to them. And not just waiting to talk. After all, we already know what we know. How else will we learn anything new?

2:1 is not a bad ratio. For many of us, myself included, this won’t be easy. Yet, this is the sort of discipline it will take to become fluent in silence. Pay attention to your conversations. “Your” being plural. Belonging not just to you but to everyone in the talk.

Listen for What You Don’t Want to Hear

As a leader, you have so much to deal with that you may welcome people keeping things to themselves. That much less to deal with. But then people begin to fear speaking up. And what isn’t shared festers.

It amazes me when leadership complains that no one will say anything. If they won’t, then you’ve got problems you don’t understand. You’ve got to find a way to break through. Take people out to lunch. And not just your direct reports. If you want the pulse of the people, talk to the people. And more importantly, listen. Because if you don’t, why should they talk?
People Generally See What They Look for and Hear What They Listen for.

– Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

This is what confirmation bias is all about: The tendency to search for or interpret information in a way that confirms your preconceptions. You watch this channel, and you listen to that podcast, because what they say fits the ideas and values that work for you. And you bend whatever is unclear or unpleasant to that view.

• The Most Important Thing to Hear is What Wasn’t Said
• Most of what people share with you is between the lines.
• It’s the verbal cues. The physical gestures. The glances and sighs.
• Don’t settle for verbatims. Don’t just hear more, listen harder.

Let them speak. Ask questions. And repeat. You may just touch them. And you never know what you might learn.

If You End Up with a Boring Miserable Life Because You Listened to Your Mom, Your Dad, Your Priest, Or Some Guy on Television Telling You How to Do Your S#*+, Then You Deserve It. – Frank Zappa, Musician & Activist

Listen to everyone. But don’t listen to just anyone.

Who you listen to can make all the difference.

Pressure, it keeps coming on every front. From home. School. Work. Your house of Worship. Even your friends. That said, the decision is yours. You can live to meet their expectations or you can create your own. Whatever you choose, you’ll have to live with the consequences.