Mamá and child: who teaches what to whom?

Everyone agrees that women and men are different. During the process of migration, these differences take a toll. Different women will react different to the same situations regardless of their age or country of origin. During my interviews with four very different women I was surprised to learn how they view the world and how they have learned to live in a place so different from ‘home.’

The four women I spoke to are all in their twenties, have children under ten, and came from Mexico. Three of them came from rural areas, can’t drive, or speak English. Two of these women also have jobs in local factories while the third is a stay-home mom. The fourth woman got divorced in the U.S. and is originally from Mexico City. She can drive, speaks the language “a little,” and holds a job in a retail store. They do not know each other. They have similar demographic characteristics, but their experiences in the U.S. are extremely different. One thing is for sure, they are all very strong Hispanic women.
These women all came to this country, with their husbands/boyfriends, and kids or pregnant, searching for “a better life.” They have moved at least four times from different places throughout the country. They have only one goal at this point, “get their kids through college.”

The divorce mother seems to have it easier. After going through the painful separation, things have brightened up. She has a car, belongs to the local Presbyterian church and her son is doing great at school. She has a nice apartment and a steady job and is flying her mother in next month. As a consumer, she knows all the local Hispanic stores but also buys at the regular supermarkets and enjoys huevos rancheros at home as much as going out with friends to a restaurant. Her son participates in school sports and she has become a typical “soccer mom” as well. She likes it here. Her friends from church have shown her to get coupons and her Hispanic friends have shown her that there are a lot of places for Hispanics to get the services they need even if they are not American citizens.

For the other three women, it has not been easy. Coming from a rural area in Mexico, they long for the community they left behind. Among the things they miss the most are stopping by their siblings’ homes after work, visiting mamá during the weekends or having her over to help with chores and chat.

The stay-home mom is having marital problems because her husband has been able to develop a social system among friends at work and he often stays late after work or spends the weekends out while she seldom goes out. She says that her husband does not want her to work and she really has never worked so she wouldn’t know what to do. She can’t drive and doesn’t know how to take the bus; so it’s hard. She only goes out for grocery shopping and sometimes with her husband and kids for pizza. On the bright side, she does live in a heavily Hispanic neighborhood and she has made some friends there, but she compares herself to them and longs for more contact with the outside. She makes very few purchasing decisions; most are done by “the man of the house.” She says that is the way it has always been, even before coming to the U.S. Her children are now bilingual and are adapting to the U.S. culture and are happy; she isn’t but if they are happy, that’s enough.

The last two women have very similar stories. They both are married and have children, but they also have jobs. Popular jobs for these struggling women are cleaning and working at food factories. The factories seem to pay better but they worry about safety in the workplace. Most of these jobs are new to them but they are happy to have it and enjoy the camaraderie they have at work. Although they cannot drive, they have learned to use the bus system and know their way through town. The biggest challenge is finding time to study English, which they are eager to learn. They also have to take care of the home, but in some cases, they do find help in the husband or other people who share the household. These women do most of the shopping for the home and manage the economy of the house.

In general, these women buy what they know, usually from a Hispanic market or the Hispanic section of the supermarket. They usually learn about other products through their children, who as English speakers are able to understand TV commercials and have been exposed to other products through classmates and friends.

It is interesting to see the different stages of enculturation and acculturation these people go through. These women are in their twenties but have very little in common with the typical 20-year-old in mainstream America. Their children are adopting different trends that are hard to understand by their parents. However, my understanding through the conversations is that these parents want to understand and know that their children are a great source of information for them. Moreover, acculturation for these women occurs at a very slow rate given the circumstances most of them are in. For the divorced mom, it’s gone much smoother. Nevertheless, it is not easy.

Korzenny and Korzenny explain that “the process of change and adaptation happens for many reasons. One of the most important reasons why people adjust to new cultures is migration, (129-130)” In the households where these women live, this change is happening at different rates for each member of the family. The information they need to adapt to the U.S. culture is coming from different sources within and without the home. Interestingly enough, in the lives of these four women, it is mostly happening from the younger generation to the oldest. In conclusion, we could say, that enculturation goes from one generation to the next while acculturation flows from the newer generation to the earlier one.

By Antonieta Reyes
Student
Center for Hispanic Marketing Communication
Florida State University